What IS NOT TO BLAME for Rape!

Everyone MUST KNOW THIS!

  1. RAPE or Sexual Assault has absolutely nothing to do with anything the victim (survivor).
  2. How a girl (woman) dresses has absolutely zero to do with rape or assault. Girls in Hijabs have been raped as well as girls in mini skirts. Girls in baggy dresses and girls in tight dresses have been raped. Babies have been assaulted for God’s sake!!
  3. How a girl acts has absolutely zero to do with getting raped. Outgoing (sometimes seen as flirty) girls have been raped. Shy and bashful and timid girls have been raped. Girlie girls have been raped as well as tomboyish girls.
  4. Beauty has nothing to do with rape. Absolutely nothing. Whatever is regarded as beautiful or not beautiful and girls fitting into it has zero to do with rape. All kinds of girls in any society’s beauty spectrum have been raped.
  5. Where a girl is has nothing to do with rape. Girls at the bar or at a party or at home or at the beach or at bus stop or at the farm or at the dorm or in the class have been raped. Where a girl is has absolutely zero to do with rape or Sexual Assault. “Perfectly safe” environments like the home are where the majority of rape and sexual assaults happens. It is not strangers who commit most rapes. Family members and family friends commit most rapes.

CONTEXTS

I have felt compelled to write this because I see this mentality all the time around the discourse surrounding rape in society. All the above mentioned ideas centers around the survivor and not enough on the criminal. I have heard parents tell their daughters to “dress decently” and oftentimes mention or use the threat of assault as a reason. I have heard parents tell their girls to avoid certain places so as to prevent getting raped. I have witnessed parents tell their girls to avoid boyfriends or flirty behavior to avoid getting raped. Each and every one of these is completely wrong.

WHAT/WHO’S TO BLAME FOR RAPE?

  1. THE RAPIST!
  2. THE RAPIST!
  3. THE RAPIST!
  4. The mentality of power. Rape has everything to do with power. The only way to prevent rape is to “educate” men that power can’t and mustn’t be had at the expense of others, especially women and girls. The only way to stop rape is teaching boys to respect themselves and more importantly to respect women and to see them not as objects of pleasure and to project their power on.

Personal Confession

I have been alone with girls in their or my room, with them dressed in Hijabs or in underwear: basically across the full spectrum of fully clothed to naked. I have been with girls drunk or sober (I don’t drink though). It has never occurred to me that raping these girls was the right thing to do.

When we raise our boys to be decent human beings, our girls would be safe no matter where they find themselves. Boys and men are not wild animals to be feared. As a society, we have failed both boys and girls in this regard. We raise our boys to be predators and our girls to be prey and we are surprised and angry when sexual assault happens.

 

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